18 January 2010


I have come to a conclusion that I have come to before: I don't know; I just don't know. About anything.

This time, however, I feel a little different about this conclusion. My friend D. says that Buddha said we are always surrounded by uncertainty; we think that given situations are uncertain, but in fact uncertainty is the condition of life (not that this is relevant, but David Hume would agree). Therefore, rather than feeling unhappy or tense because I don't know, I have decided to, to the extent that I'm able, just accept it. Non-Buddhistly, I could say that my not knowings must resolve with time: it is not so much that now I see through a glass, darkly, but then, face to face (one of my very favourite Bible quotations, and not for its promise of revelation but rather for its acceptance of mystery), as it is that time must bring resolution, since that's what time does. If I were determined to clutch on to logic in the face of uncertainty, I could say that my not knowing will resolve because after a time constant uncertainty is itself a certain state (a sneaky way of making yourself feel better, but not entirely without legitimacy). But I do neither of those things: I have decided instead to fight against all my tendencies and simply live in this state (these states?) of uncertainty, allowing it/them to flow through me in such a way that I achieve peace.

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