24 December 2009


Christmas approacheth. In fact, it approacheth so fast that it's basically here, if you work by the "horological" time system, in which a new day begins at 12am. I, however, work on the "chronological" time system, in which a new day begins at the moment you wake up, and
the old day lasts until you go to sleep.

Today, the day before Christmas, I am moved to think about other people. A number of years ago I told a friend of mine that I never believed people liked me very much, because I couldn't believe that they would like someone who sat around in her gnome pyjamas all day (as, in fact, I have done today), who was often irritating, and who could be boring. His response was, "Aren't you underestimating other people?" This had never occurred to me before. And for some reason - perhaps because of the hair straightening - this popped into my head again today.

I find it mystifying that anyone could find me attractive. This is, first of all, because I'm just...me. But it also because I have such a clear notion of what men find attractive: large breasts, nice bottoms, youth, good hair, a beautiful face. And I have none of these things. Also, I can be irritating. Reader, I find to my own shame that I have been brainwashed by the media without being aware, and, worse, while believing that I had not. But I find it nearly impossible to believe that someone might look past my small breasts and my no-longer-anywhere-near-my-twenties-ness, and my terrible nose, and my hair of the damned, and love me anyway. And I finally it even more impossible to believe that there might be men who find small breasts attractive, or like what time does to a woman, or who might think that my non-mainstream hair is not of the damned, or who might value personality above the physical. Oh, I can say it when it comes to people finding my friends attractive, and I can even believe it for them, but I cannot believe it for myself. I found Mr. Fallen, with his at least an extra stone of girth, wonderful; I found Irishboyfriend, with his wire tooth thing and his missing fingertop, sexy -- in fact, those were the very things I found sexy about him. But, oh, my goodness, I think, why would someone find me attractive? And perhaps that underestimates me, but it also underestimates other people, and makes them very shallow. And for that I am ashamed.


Incubus said...

Well, perhaps it is a media thing the fact that so many women find themselves so unattractive, and at the same time lots of dumb, or graceless, or plainly ugly man live their lives gourgeously. So, keep thinking: "I am NOT as uninteresting as I think I am", because it is true.
Do you find amazing that there are men who does like small breasts? But there is! And think about yourself: don´t you find attractive men that are not Brad Pitt? It is the same.
Another thing I was wondering these days is why the heck you women tend to be sooo nice with unfit / ugly men. I mean, if it does not matter to you gals if the guy has a protruding belly, weak arms and no chest, great. But you don´t have to flatter them, in order to be friends, or be kind. This is a very maternal behavior, and most women do behave like this. It is extremely deleterious, because they will develop a misplaced self-image. And you, women, end with "picky" guys, who think that they are just great.
Happy Christmas to you (if this is trhe case)!!!

Vespertina Quies said...

Thank you for the Happy Christmas: same to you! Actually, this phenomenon of women "needing" to be beautiful to catch a man and men not doing anything to get a woman seems to be very old: there's an eighteenth-century writer named Mary Astell who comments on just this phenomenon. I'm inclined to think that if women ran the world men would have to do a lot more to be attractive - basically, the people in charge stay in charge by making others worry and feel inferior.

I think, as you say, men can love women who are flawed, just as women do with men. But it's also true, I think, that most women aren't brave enough to be vocal about their disappointments with their men - although I suppose lots of men would complain that their wives get fat, let themselves go, etc, when that might be because the men also can't really be certain how to gently tell a significant other that they'd like the person to lose weight, say.

I know the media misrepresents men's desires as much as it misrepesents the female idea. It's just so hard to remember!

Incubus said...

Yes, it is hard to remember the media thing, but... keep trying! Did you realize you used the word "flawed"???? Did you mean "without one eye"??? I think that there is no "flaw" in a small breast. As I believe there is no flaw in a short dick (well, if it is not the case, don´t tell any man, for reasons I will treat below). It is a question of opinion, some women do want bigger dicks, some men do want bigger breasts, and for some people it does not matter at all, the important thing is... big butts (or big noses?). Whatever, so there is no "flawed" body.
I also believe that women´s maternal behavior, this habit of flattering unfit men, of being extremely kind even when a man´s sexual performance is consistently poor, is a deep-rooted, unconscious perception that men are generally very fragile. It is a perception that it would not be a "brave" thing to vocal their disapointments, simply because the man would fall apart. Some men are much more fragile than others, for sure. These guys are like children from a woman´s point of view. So, they need a mom. And there you go, nice women, tending the spoiled children and saying that they are great LOL.
In sum my point is: you don´t have to destroy a man using plain, objective and sincere remarks about his unfitness, ugliness and/or lack of sexual expertise, specially if you do like men. But do not spoil them, either...
Hope you enjoy the snow, I am a bit tired of it, though!