Lord Farrow Never Wore a Bag over His Head

When I was in Marks and Spencer today, I suddenly remembered as I was going up the escalator (and staring at a really nice bag [that's it there]. Actually, as I noticed it I was surprised that I noticed it while I was remembering what I was remembering, but then I realised it was a very nice bag, after all) something S. said when I told him about my meeting with Mr. Fallen this summer, and how I had said, "I'm sure they didn't notice," when Mr. Fallen remarked that he'd managed to fool people into believing he knew more than he did. S. said that he believes that people only say that kind of thing because they want you to contradict them: it's a kind of cheap way of getting a compliment.

I didn't think he was correct at the time. Then, I thought it was actually a way of pre-empting other people's similar remarks: if you get in first, they can't hurt you. And I still believe that. But these days I also believe (as I think I've believed before, because I have a vague memory of doing so), that it's a way of getting yourself used to the facts. I think Mr. Fallen's life had shown him he couldn't be that smart or knowledgeable - after all, everyone around him was getting jobs and having success, but he wasn't, so what conclusion could he draw from that? - and he was reminding himself of this truth in order to come to accept it, and thus not be hurt by demonstrations of it. I thought of this because as I was wandering through M&S I was reflecting on the large amount of clothing that I own, and that my salary has enabled me to buy. It enables me to do this because, as a single person, I don't have the expenses of someone with a family, or even with just a partner. And I was reflecting to myself that my future would hold an equally large amount of clothing, because as an undesirable over-the-hill woman I would continue

to be single. And then I thought that S. would say I was saying that to be contradicted, but that I wasn't: I was saying it, as I say it to myself at least once every day, and often say it aloud to other people, because I think it's wise to get used to the truth.

Incidentally, however nice that black velvet bag is, it isn't as nice as this bag, which has the added attribute of wit. So if I don't have to go back and rot away the rest of my life in Otherhome, maybe I'll actually be able to buy this bag, thus spending some of my lavish single cash. If you must be unwanted, at least you can be unwanted and well-accessorised!

My friend L would say we should put that on a pillow.